Five Easy Steps to Get Your Poodle to Come Inside

Step one: Open the door.

Step Two: Ask politely for him to enter the abode. Entice him with the promise of heat.

Step Three: Threaten to stab him if he doesn’t come inside, then slam the door in his face.

Step Four: Try invitation again, this time with elevated tone.

Step Five: Tell him he is pretty.

Works every time.

This is my actual fucking life, y’all.