The Christmas cards have started to roll in and I’ve been reminded of people and places that I haven’t thought of for sometime. I love when that happens. I love when people pop into my mind and I remember the fun we had or the talks or the ways in which their words, love, or friendship shaped me. Of course, not everyone who pops into my head has a good, lasting impression, but this time of year the goodness usually prevails.
The Christmas cards I receive are varied. They come from all over the country and they come from all sorts of people. But this year, the cards have reminded me how important multi-generational friendship is and how it has positively impacted me over the years.
While most of my friends fall within five years or so of my age, I have friends who are decades older and most recently friends who are decades younger. And by “friends” here I mean people I speak with regularly, whom I make special trips to see, who know my family, hold us in their hearts as we do theirs. I also have acquaintances and varied other people in my life including extended family members, who I see less often but who hold special places in my heart and who are decades older and younger than me.
I’m always surprised when people don’t have multi-generational friends but I think it’s a stigma we learn when we are young. I remember my first “real” job at a grocery store when I was 16. One of my favorite people to work with was a grandma named Greta. Greta was a hoot and I would tell my friends about all the fun we had together at work and then one day they asked how old Greta was and were shocked when I said 50. Ha! They made relentless fun of me for having an “old” friend, but when they started getting jobs they had them too.
Most of my multi-generational friendships started at a job, which is common. When you’re working the counter at a retail store or slinging drinks at a bar, you are bound to meet people who are in different stages of life. And while you might not think you have much in common, the forced nature of the work allows you to spend hours with them, talking and learning, at first so the clock will tick faster, later because you enjoy their company. Soon you find that you do have a lot in common, because the truth is we are all more alike than we are different. That’s a big lesson for a little one to learn.
As the years progressed, I sought out multi-generational friendship because older people had a better grasp on the world and I needed the comfort and guidance they gave me. It should come as no surprise, but I was a bit of a mess in college. I’ll concede that I’m still a bit of a mess, but this mess and that mess are not the same. In college, my friends and I used grant and scholarship money to buy a water bong. It was red, white, and blue and we named it President Bush and we basically hit The President every morning. Yesterday, I spent five minutes looking for the keys I was holding in my hand. Different mess, but also very connected…Easy on the bong, kids. It does a number on your short-term memory.
My “old” friends got me through college as a first-generation student. Later, they held my hand when I needed it and they gave hugs. Some of them even baked me cookies. Many of them offered a calm respite just by their very nature. Young adults are busy. Always moving, always looking for that next thing to do, and my older friends were good at reminding me to slow down, be more deliberate, and most importantly, learn to take care of myself and others more often. Those were, and still are, valuable lessons.
Nowadays, I have friends who are decades younger than me. I’m the “old” friend in some circles (eek face) and I can only hope that I am as capable as the friends I’ve had over the years.
Friendships are wild, y’all. They are hard work, but they are important. I really do think that cultivating a wide-range of friends from different age groups to different religions, gender, and economics enriches our lives in countless ways. I encourage you to take stock of your friendships and open your mind and heart to a few more.
M.
Melissa Goodnight 