Me (scrolling Instagram, singing Adele): Set firrrrrrre to the rain. Watched it pour as I touched your face…
Georgia Power (via text): Ding, ding! Hey girl hey!
Me: (Eye roll emoji)
Georgia Power: Girl, whatchu up to? (heart emoji, crown emoji, unicorn emoji)
Me: No.
G.P.: Whaaaaaaa?! (crying emoji)
Me: Don’t play these games.
G.P.: Okay chill, listen. So I just heard there’s some “damaging” winds coming through and where you stay at?
Me: You know I’m in DeKalb County and I’m not trying to get any tea, just keep my electricity on.
G.P.: Okay, okay, ok, ok, ok, k. Okay. (fingers in ears emoji) But I heard that these winds and you know they coming up from Florida because this shit ALWAYS be coming up from Florida, you know. You know.
Me:
G.P.: You know. (skull emoji)
Me: Stop blaming Florida for your problems, yo. See this why I can’t talk to you, girl.
G.P.: Okay, you’re right, you’re right. Listen tho…
Me: What?
G.P.: You hear that?
Me: Hear what?
G.P.: Exactly, okay. We don’t have strong winds in Georgia, you see what I’m sayin’?
Me: I mean, I see that you’re still trying to blame Florida for some shit instead of holding yourself accountable for your own infrastructure problems.
G.P.: And see this is why I don’t like to text you, you’re mouthy.
Me: IS MY POWER GOING TO STAY ON DURING THIS HURRICANE?
G.P.: I mean, of course it is, Babe. Calm down.
Georgia Power Emergency Management (via text): What up, what up, what up, what up, y’all?
Me:
G.P.: Imma head out.
Me: The hell you are, what is this side text I got going on with Emergency Management?
G.P.: Okay, see I don’t even know what you’re talkin’ bout. Like I don’t even have a side text. I don’t even think my phone can do that. I don’t even have a phone. I’m texting you from my landline.
Me: Ooooooooooooo
G.P.: Why you doing that? Stop doing yoga breaths. This isn’t that serious.
G.P.E.M.: Listen, Florida called…
G.P.: What I wanted to tell you is that probably, most likely, your power gonna go out.
Me:
G.P.E.M.: Basically, and this is as hard for me to say as it is for you to hear, but your power gonna go out. It’s probably already out.
Me:
G.P.E.M: From the Florida nonsense.
Me:
G.P.: I’m really gonna go now, but I did just want to remind you that you owe us $400. (money mouth emoji)
Me:
G.P.: And we need it by the first.
Me:
G.P.: ILY. FR. FR. (Heart emoji)
Me: See, this why I already bought extra flashlights and packed a cooler full of iced coffee.
G.P.: THEN WHY YOU EVEN…
Me (Blocking Georgia Power from my phone): I set firrrrrre to the rain…
G.P.E.M.: Ohhhh, and listen, don’t try to cut any power lines yourself okay, that’s just dangerous. Just call us and we will respond within 72-856 hours.
Me (blocking G.P.E.M.): WATCHED IT POUR AS I TOUCHED YOUR FACE…
Me: Stay safe out there, y’all!
M.
Melissa Goodnight 