Melissa Goodnight

Every once in awhile I’m called to share the first essay I had published. It was part of my master’s thesis at UNC Charlotte and it was written over the span of nearly six years with the careful eyes of two teachers from two different schools, John from Missouri State who saw the earliest drafts and who saw me while I lived through this time in my life and later Bryn my thesis advisor at Charlotte who helped shape it into the essay you read today. She also helped shape me into the person you see today. These are two people I trust entirely.

It was a painful but ultimately cathartic essay to write and unfortunately it is more important to share and read now than it ever was before.

I never thought, while living through this or later writing about it, that my abortion story would be one of controversy and terror for so many women in our country but as I type this countless women are living through exactly what I did.

Even more women are living in different but similar situations, risking their own lives in some cases, for what should be a basic right. And it’s not just women that feel the repercussions, it’s the entire family, friend circles, communities, and often the “women” are not even women, but little girls.

You have no idea the women you demoralize, frighten, and fill with shame when you spew hateful rhetoric around women’s healthcare, abortion rights, women’s rights in any form. You have no idea who is sitting at your table and what they have lived through. You just don’t know.

And what you also might not know, that might be the single most important thing to consider, is that ALL women have a story. It might not be an abortion story, but there’s a story of a moment in their lives where they were made to feel less than because of who they are. Whether it’s microaggressions at the hands of coworkers or sexual harassment and assault by people they trusted, the stories are there. All you have to do is listen.

I’m tired, y’all. We are tired. It’s gone on for too long, the desire for men to hold their boots on our necks. We do and do and do, and we give and give and give and this is how we are treated.

Make no mistake, anti-abortionists are men and they are women and they are either white supremacists or religious zealots at their core and they are brainwashed. Anyone who believes that they have the right to take away another person’s rights has to be and that’s the end goal here, y’all, controlling women.

I don’t know about you, but they won’t be controlling me.

Please read and share as you see fit and please remember that my abortion story and stories like mine are more common than you know. But also remember that any reason to have an abortion is a viable reason and any woman who has an abortion, for any reason, is making the best decision for herself and her family and for Christ’s sake it has nothing to do with you.

I am also indebted to the editors at Mud Season Review who along with John and Bryn gave great attention and care to this essay and saw value in its words.

Please vote, y’all.

M.

*Please note that this was published in 2018 and I had my abortion in 2011. Abortion was legal in our country then and Missouri was fairly relaxed about it. Today the state of Missouri has some of the strictest abortion laws.