Tucker, GA — The dynamic pickleball team of Melissa and Jerimiah Goodnight (*The Slice Girls) were totally and completely dominated both on and off the court this week by the Smash Sisters, **Merriam and Lucille.
Prior to the first match the Slice Girls, who were running late due to Melissa “not really feeling pickleballey,” were unable to get their normal 20 minutes of practice instead getting there just in time to exchange a bit of pre-match banter (a skill the Slice Girls have not yet mastered) and before the foursome took the court the score was already one-sided.
By the end of the first match–a hard fought loss 12-10–the Slice Girls were expecting to turn it all around. Unfortunately Melissa’s first serve hit the net and she screamed like a stuck pig while attempting to throw her paddle at her teammate, which caused a moment of silence throughout the indoor arena when she instead threw it directly into a group of preschoolers cheering on their parents.
“I want my mommy,” said one preschooler.
Things were not the same after.
– Jerimiah was momentarily blinded when he rolled his eyes so far up that he inadvertently caught a glimpse of the overhead lights upon Melissa’s second net-serve of the match
– Melissa’s shoe came untied at 0-4-1 and when she went to the ground for a quick retie, she also attempted a Faustian Bargain with ***The Devil (trademarked)
– The bargain was denied
– By 0-8-1, Melissa took to chanting “Rally! Rally! Rally!” before each serve while Jerimiah dripping in sweat and contempt said only, “Just end it.”
Final Score
Smash Sisters: 12
Slice Girls: 0
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* Team name not agreed upon by both athletes at time of publication
**Names were changed to protect the innocent
***The Devil could not be reached for comment
Melissa Goodnight 