Seriously, why?

Why what, Missy?

Why do I think, “Oh, I should start a blog, that would help me write more and not feel all alone in the world” and then about a year goes by and I’m all, “Oh yeah, that blog.” Look, if you’re still around, thanks. Thanks for sticking it out thinking maybe one day I will remember this little space and pop back in and say some whacked out shit like I usually do. Your dreams have been answered!

Here is the deal. I get into funks. We all do, right? (Just say yes.) And boy have I been in one. Any flip through this here page and you would notice some major life changes. There is the whole, one year ago I was talking about having another baby, meanwhile I went ahead and had a hysterectomy. That could make getting pregnant harder.

Then, wait Missy, last time we talked you lived on the lake in Denver, NC. Well, no I live smack-dab in “the city”.

Then, there is the whole last time we talked to, you were in grad school. (Good news there, I actually finished something for once. Not to my liking, but it’s done.)

Oh, and then somewhere along the line my best friend, my ride or die, my 14-year-old pupper went and died. RIP Bentley. Then we got a new puppy, Duke, and he hates me.

This has been a year, y’all.

And that’s not even bringing up politics, or the state of the world we live in.

Sigh. It’s too much. It’s just much too much, y’all.

I think what happens is I do things that I know are bad for me to punish myself, because, I dunno, I’m used to emotionally belittling myself, while I skate on that razor thin edge of self-destruction? Nah, I’m probably just bored.

This has the potential to be a sad-sack of a post, so let’s change gears, for your amusement.

Things are great, actually. Thanks for asking. Jackson is in fourth grade this year at his (new to you) school, a STEM charter school. He is way into cars, like he has always been. But now he is also way in to coding his own apps and games, building robots, farting, and girls (in no particular order). The last bit is fairly new. And in fact, it is one girl in particular. Her name is Morgan, and he met her last year in his third grade class. She is blond and super high energy. I hate her.

I know. How can you say that about a kid, Missy? It’s easier than you’d think. For example, the whole summer he was obsessed with Michael Jackson. Which is weird, but you know, fine. We even talked about how MJ was possibly a sexual predator (normal convo for us, since I’m always like, “Jackson, watch out for sexual predators man. They will prey on unsuspecting kids” and he’s all, “Yeah, I get it, Mommy. The whole world is out to get me and hurt me at all times. Tell you if anyone is every inappropriate toward me. Gotcha.” It helps my anxiety knowing he is super paranoid like I am.)

Anyway, I Amazoned him the whole MJ outfit, assuming that’s what he would want to be for Halloween. But true to Jackson form, here we are, two weeks before Halloween and he has decided to be something else. Turns out, one of Morgan’s favorite shows is “Stranger Things” (that’s weird, right?). We never let Jackson watch it because it was sort of scary. But then he came home all talking about “Stranger Things” and we were all, what the hell? Like, he is OBSESSED. So we let him watch the first episode and guess what? He had a nightmare about the damn Demogorgon!

Anyway (again), Morgan’s FAVORITE character is Eleven. So guess what my son wants to be for Halloween? Yeah. So here I am, ordering a pink dress, painting tube socks, and looking for the perfect blond wig for my son for Halloween, so when we do Trunk or Treat at his school on the 28th, Morgan will see him dressed as her favorite character (which happens to be a girl). Ohhh, young love. (To make him not feel so weird, Daddy is dressing like Joyce.)

Sigh.

Okay, so what else is happening? Jerimiah is in job limbo. Allow me to explain. His company was bought out last year by a much bigger company. This much bigger company has been letting go of a lot of people, but he keeps making the cut (whew). But, over the next few months there is more “restructuring” as it were, and he sort of has nowhere to go. So he has been applying for jobs within the company, because he does like it. No big deal. Except, well, none of the jobs are in Charlotte. This is a Fortune 500, nationwide company. And it appears that the opportunities for him are all, well, nationwide. We are talking, California, Arizona, Michigan, Tennessee. Some of the opportunity is in good locations (read: Seattle, Boston, Chicago). Some of the opportunity is in, oh, let’s say, Houston. (Throws hands up in the air.) But for now, we wait to see how it all plays out. Short version: We may not be in the Carolinas much longer. Which at first made me happy, because you guys know I love adventure. But now I am kind of sad. I have started to build a little community here, a writing community, a friend community, a strong parent network. But, then again, life is constantly changing and if you are resistant to it, you will be disappointed eventually. Besides, how can you see the whole world, if you stay in one little space?

So, how are things with me? Well, like I said, funky. I have my ups and downs. More downs lately. This whole hysterectomy thing has jacked me up. It was a good decision, trust me, but the hormones, the night sweats, the lack of energy. I feel like for the first time since June I am finally coming out of all of it. Slowly, but surely. (Ps… if this is something you are even remotely considering, DO IT!) Jesus. DO IT.

Buuuuut, it does give your life a finality that you might not be ready for. So there’s that.

I think the real problem here is that I have been listening to a lot of 70s and 80s country music because I can’t find my damn Mumford and Sons record, and it isn’t as empowering as you would think it would be. Maybe. (Thanks for not asking the obvious question here: How do you lose a Mumford and Sons record? Those things are huge!) So I get sort of down (because Willie and Waylon are downers), and then I think, “Wait a second, I will never bleed out of my vagina every again!” And then I feel so good that I want to tell Bentley all about my good fortune and then I’m down again. Boo.

Well, that sort of sums up life now. I got myself roped into the PTO at the new school, even though when I left my VP role at the old school I was all, “NEVER AGAIN!” So I have a bunch of Box Tops to deal with today.

Thanks for reading. Or not. Not would probably be better.

Stay safe and sane out there.

M.