Make a Grid

Mrs. Kim, my lovely neighbor across the way, was very intrigued by the fact that I was power washing my driveway today. So much so that she would sneak glances at me out of her garage window when she thought I wasn’t looking, once every hour or so. Three Mrs. Kim glances later I could tell that her intrigue had turned to concern and it started to infiltrate my psyche. I hadn’t intended to power wash my driveway for three hours today, it just sort of happened, like a lot of things do in my life.

We got home from our two-week trip to Baton Rouge on Friday afternoon. You can read about some of it here https://missygoodnight.com/2019/06/13/deep-deep-south/ though I have to be honest, I have a lot more to say on the trip, just need some time. Anyway, we drove home the eight hours on Friday, then had a good night’s rest in our own bed, then woke up the next day and drove the four hours to Charlotte to say goodbye to our friends Morgan, Beth, and Dave. You see, Morgan, Beth, and Dave packed up and moved to Rhode Island for no reason except to make me sad. Well, Dave got a new job teaching at URI, but that is besides the point. Me. Sad. Important part. We didn’t get back from Charlotte until four am, which means we slept until noon on Sunday, which means we finally got around to getting some of the things done we needed to get done before the week started at nine pm last night. Which was just in time to watch Ralph Wrecks the Internet because Ralph wrecks the internet.

Sigh. That is all to say that we have been busy, busy (and I’ve been a little sad) and today was the first day back in real life and real life looked like this. We woke up sorta late. I had to drive J to work about 30 minutes away (with Jackson and the damn dog) in Atlanta traffic, and then rush home to get ready for my therapy session at 10:00 am. Why did I have to drive J to work? That is a great question and one that I intend to share with you this week if all the components of my life start working again.

So then I go to therapy and cry. I always cry. We don’t even need to talk about like, you know, real shit. We can just talk about the weather and where to get good food (like we did today) and I cry. I really like my therapist. I think she is great in fact. She has a really calming presence, which is probably good for a therapist. She is also wicked funny. She is the kinda lady I wish I had met at Publix in the fruit aisle, and we had bumped carts and I had said, Ope, scuse me, I’ve been drinking! Haha, just kidding I’m not drunk. And she would have said, Me neither, but wanna go get drunk? And then we would be best friends. Except we can’t be friends cause she’s my therapist. Bummer. Anyway, I cried a little and she assured me the world wasn’t ending and I felt better, but also like I needed to do something drastic. I was afraid I would get day drunk and cut my own bangs, so instead I decided to let Jackson wash my car.

Washing my car is something he always asks me to do and I always tell him no because of the hassle of finding the power washer, finding the hose, dragging it all out, then him getting all crazy wet, then other excuse, other excuse, other excuse. Today I thought I’d just let him go to town and get as wet as he wanted. So I let him. He was way excited then (in true Jackson fashion) he washed my car for about five minutes then went back inside. He did offer to clean up the power washer but I was all, nah leave it out I might clean something. And there we are. Three hours later I felt accomplished even though I accomplished the one thing not anywhere near my to-do list today. Not even close.

It is important to note here that I enjoy power washing. I know it sounds weird as shit. But I go to a very zen-like place when I power wash. I sort of process stuff better when I am doing something that I don’t have to think about. I think that is true for a lot of people, probably. Others might crochet, or tinker with cars or electronics, or color or paint. I power wash. I like to take a big surface (like a driveway that is pretty dirty) and split it up into sections, then tackle one section at a time while my mind sort of wanders. I process things I have been putting off, I have conversions with myself, I think about things to write, all while I work my way through the grid I created. It probably has something to do with feeling little accomplishments while you are working. It is like writing a novel and finishing a chapter, or quilting and getting one square done. It’s always easier to take large tasks and break them into smaller ones to tackle. Then you are not so overwhelmed. And I do often get overwhelmed. It’s not unlike when you use your at-home electrolysis kit and you mark on your legs and work small sections. Except with power washing you don’t need to worry about turning the level up too high and getting zapped so hard that you have a series of light seizures.

So, why am I telling you all this? Why do I tell you all anything, Jesus Karen lay off me. I guess because we are in this together you guys. And I know I have been absent, I was a little blue last week. I was overwhelmed. But I think I am back. And I think I have a ton of shit to tell you guys, so let’s get to it!

Happy Monday!

M.

2 thoughts on “Make a Grid

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