The other day I watched Taylor Swift’s Americana and then I spent about three hours tracing her past relationships, trying to figure out who she’s dating now, and just generally online stalking Taylor Swift. This was just after I listened to another Dolly Parton’s America podcast and went online to find Dolly’s fourth cousin, you know, the one who’s a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution? I couldn’t find her. I didn’t look too hard, I got sidetracked by other important questions. Questions like…
Who is Taylor Swift’s friend from high school who came over and ate dinner with her in her lonely, weird house?
Are they really remaking Supermarket Sweep with Leslie Jones?
What are Simon and Garfunkel’s real names?
When did the WWE form? What about the WWF? Does the WWF know there is a WWF that saves pandas and shit? Which one was Macho Man Randy Savage part of? I know he didn’t save pandas.
How many miles are in a 10k?
Did Barbara Hershey and Bette Middler like each other in real life? They had great chemistry in Beaches.
What about The Golden Girls? I’ve heard Bea was a bitch to Betty. You heard that too?
How to record players work? Like for real. How is the sound trapped inside the record?
Would I survive if forced to live in Florida?
Why does my dog hate me?
In short, I needed to be distracted by all the actual shit I’m supposed to be doing, so I thought about these things instead. I hope you are more productive these days than I am.